Study finds new Matcha Dubai Chocolate Moonbeam Ice Cream Carabiner Labubu Crumbl cookie may pose health risks

With the recent craze surrounding coveted uwu omg Labubus, green shit-looking Dubai chocolates, Booner-ific Moonbeam Ice Cream, and MATCHAAAAAA — Crumbl has announced a new menu item combining them all that is promised to “melt in your jizz hole.”

“We understand our clientele have come to expect a lack of quality in our desserts and we intend to keep it that way with this brand-spanking new product,” read an official statement released by Crumbl Chief Executive Officer Jason McGowan.  

The statement explained that the combination of these factors rivals the discovery of electricity, clean water and even that of sliced bread. 

“I think instead of bread people will be saying ‘this is the best thing since the Matcha Dubai Chocolate Moonbeam Ice Cream Carabiner Labubu Crumbl cookie’,” stated McGowan. 

Following the announcement, a new study released by the Lab Association Behind Understanding Baking Upsets (LABUBU) has found that consumption of the new treat may result in a few internal “laboo-boos.”

Food scientist and head of LABUBU, Dr. Cara Booner said this delectable snack may not be the best thing to eat if you want to live past the age you are when you eat it.

“I mean, there’s an entire carabiner sticking out of the middle of the cookie, if you think that’s safe to eat then you need to stop smoking that ganja and get educated son,” said Booner.  

Protrusions from the cookie aside, the dessert comes at a high cost of your dignity, while containing 10 453 867 calories as well as 20 grams of sodium, 13 eggs, 24 grams of aluminum, two turtle doves, and a whopping two grams of sugar. 

Avid Crumbl fan, Matt Chah says despite the health concerns he will continue to eat this perplexing treat until the day he dies.  

“I truly don’t care what’s in this thing, there could be actual edible ingredients in it and I would still eat it up, that’s how much I believe in Crumbl,” said Chah.

Following our interview Chah passed away due to undisclosed health concerns.