TMSU forgets to pay bills, students pretend to be shocked

A collective shrug could be seen up and down the campus of Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU) on Tuesday and for good reason: the Toronto Metropolitan Students’ Union (TMSU) forgot to pay its bills. 

In an entirely expected development, the TMSU’s finances and communications have collapsed after one too many missed payments, losing access to both its email and website in one fell swoop.

“I think it's a nice representation of the student populace,” said third-year engineering student Amy Stake. “After all, we’re broke too. Hell, I plan on missing my tuition payment next week. This new era of the TMSU really gets us.”

By far the most pressing issue facing the students’ union is the recovery of its yourtmsu.ca domain, which is now under the ownership of Bryce Billings, a master of journalism student.

“I heard from friends that the domain was suddenly up for purchase, so I just had to check it out,” remarked Billings. “But once I saw that GoDaddy took payments in flex dollars and Balzac’s gift cards, I was on that quicker than a freshman lining up for free shit on Gould St.”

In an attempt to rectify this clusterfuck, the TMSU has hired a new Chief Revenue Officer (CRO) to clean things up, who asked only to be referred to as “Gam Ranesh.”

“Where’d all the money go? How can these payments be reconciled? Those are the questions everyone’s got,” said the inconspicuous new CRO. “However, I have no answers nor any prior involvement whatsoever.”

“I am just a humble 10th-year student looking to help end the blatant corruption of past executive teams and ensure the TMSU remains a beacon of integrity.”