TMSU carnival cancelled after elephant shipment stopped by tariffs

Sorry freshmen, you can’t let that super senior win you a giant stoned banana just yet.

This Tuesday, the interim Toronto Metropolitan Students’ Union (TMSU) members released a pachydermal statement alongside their less-important letter concerning something about corruption.

“Unfortunately, due to the tariffs imposed by the still-kickin’ president Donald J. Trump on shipments to Canada, our big top carnival complete with elephants, clowns and lions jumping through hoops has been cancelled for the foreseeable future,” wrote temporary TMSU president Anita Leader. 

The news comes as a shock to first-year biology student Annie Mel, who was really hyped about the elephants.

“I mean… I’m not that disappointed… I didn’t need to see elephas maximus in person, balancing on a giant yoga ball or anything…” whimpered Mel, very noticeably disappointed.

Elephants were not the only thing held back by tariffs that Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU) very desperately needed. 

Alongside those extremely talented animals, the United States borders are holding back five professors who are choosing not to email their classes on their situation, couches with only one bed bug, DIVA Cups for student periods or deriods and Oakham Cafe’s ceremonial grade matcha.

Some students have taken to Gould Street in solidarity with the circus, choosing to silently protest by holding up signs with really cool animal performers on them.

Mel, who broke her vow of silence to speak with us, lamented the loss of circus animal-related employment at the university.

“This job… this circus is their livelihood… they have children and spouses to support, goddamnit!” She screamed while balancing on a big bouncy red ball with a sign portraying a tiger juggling live chickens.

Protesting students requested through mime that supporters please consider finding the sickest possible picture of a lion and bringing it to Gould Street before 6 p.m.