Premier Ford to open Unsafe Injection Sites across Ontario

Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced on Monday that the province will begin opening what it calls “Unsafe Injection Sites” across the province in 2025.

This move comes after the provincial government announced it would be closing 10 safe injection sites due to their being too close to schools and daycare facilities.

According to Ontario Health Minister Hon. Sylvia Jones, “Unsafe Injection Sites would function as an alternative for communities where safe injection sites were simply too dangerous.”

One of the main concerns cited by opponents of safe injection sites was that they encouraged those experiencing drug addiction to continue using. When asked by a reporter about how the Ford government plans on upping intervention and recovery programs, Jones said: 

“This facility will include cutting edge therapies and equipment, including a powerful iron lung, an extensive collection of stress balls and four flavours of nicotine gum.” 

“We also have former Reagan administration staffers overseeing a rehaul of the D.A.R.E. program,” added Jones. “Premier Ford is paying their salaries out of his own taxpayers’ pockets so there shouldn’t be any added stress on the economy.”  

The Abnormal School was given the opportunity to attend a press-exclusive tour of an Unsafe Injection Site near TMU. This location will replace the supervised consumption site on Victoria Street.

Amhed Lomborg, the province’s new Minister of Hazards and Peril, spoke to the press before and after the tour.

“As you can see, we’ve selected a building condemned due to structural integrity issues. This ensures that there won’t be any children in the area around the building. It also keeps the cost to the taxpayer as low as possible.” Said Lomborg

Lomborg spoke about what operations at the Unsafe Injection Site would look like once it opens.

“We’re also taking the opportunity afforded to us by these new facilities to improve sustainability and incarceration prevention. All unsafe injection sites will reuse needles and other medical supplies to cut down on waste,”

“They will be staffed exclusively by individuals who would otherwise be sent to prison for aggravated driving or child neglect convictions as a means of decreasing prison overcrowding and over-incarceration.”

Once in operation, the safe injection sites will be operated as for-profit enterprises, with revenue generated being used to supplement local police budgets.

The interior of the building was a personal passion project for Premier Ford himself, who lived next to the interior design building during his two months at Humber College.

The facility is designed with healing and harm reduction in mind and will feature an extensive collection of Molson Canadian posters from Premier Ford’s personal collection.