It doesn't get better: People in university still dumb ahh hell

It is believed that education is the foremost pillar of our society and that, in order to function within our world, one needs to have gone through the rigorous stages of schooling to become what we define as “a smart cookie.”

While it had been thought that university was the perfect bow to tie on the end of an excruciatingly long educational string, a new study released by Brain Scanning Incorporated (BS Inc.) has shown that people who make it to university are still dumb ahh hell.

According to the study, the neural pathway in our frontal lobe that is responsible for determining one’s peak intelligence is heavily influenced by the surrounding environment as well as the amount of money spent on TikTok Shop.

Head of neurology at BS Inc. Sarah Bellum noted that even with the increased level of education one receives after entering university, most if not all post-secondary students are still dumber than a Harry Styles vibrator.

“Our research has shown that not only are bitches trippin’, but they’re dumb as a cuckoo clock too. Now what’s up with that?” said Bellum.

Second-year urban and regional planning student Omar Masry believes he is not “as dumb as gum” and claims he possesses the necessary intelligence to function in society.

“Just because I can’t focus on anything for more than four seconds without taking a hit from my puff cube doesn’t mean I can’t aspire to one day start my own car detailing business,” said Masry.

The study concluded that 96.96 per cent of Ontario post-secondary students lack the intelligence needed to function without asking ChatGPT for advice, and 69.69 per cent of students agreed that the percentage backwards was funnier.